Reviews of 'Disposing of the Body'
'A Vicar of Dibley Christmas' poems
by Anne Temple
Vicar of Dibley
The Second Coming
Didn't we have a lovely time
Rehearsing Vicar of Dibley?
Laughs all the way, wouldn't you say?
Cake, mince pies with tea on Sundays,
As well as that a pat on the back
For the cast and crew together,
Week after week to rehearsals we went
As the world went round.
Do you recall the wonderful time
Rehearsing at Simons work place?
It suited us all, although a bit small,
Carpeted floor and chairs aplenty,
We had a big screen, where we could be seen
Acting our parts to camera,
We went to rehearsal on medical grounds
As the word went round.
Do you remember the fun we all had
On Air with Radio Dibley?
Confessions from Frank, we thought it a prank
But no he poured his lonely heart out.
He said he was gay and acted quite fey
But none of us heard the broadcast,
So nothing had changed the following day
As Frank Pickle "came out!"
Didn't we have a wonderful time
Dressing up for Dibley?
Wet weather gear, for the time of the year
And costumes fit for our nativity,
On top of that, Jim Trott looked a Pratt
Dressed in his best tennis outfit
Short pleated skirt, showed his frilly knicks
As he turned round.
Didn't we have the time of our lives
For our first half dress rehearsal?
We went to Act II all of the crew,
With Sophie and Jules plus props and costumes.
Hannah was there, photographer fair
Taking shots for the programme,
We all faced up and gave her a smile
As we all walked round.
Didn't we have some excellent fun
Doing our piece for YouTube?
Our director was there taking great care
To make the most of our publicity.
Locations were sort and properties brought
To place in front of the camera,
Outdoors or in, we all had to grin
When the videos went out
Do you remember the very last scene
When Alice gave birth to the baby?
She couldn't stand, but a vet was on hand,
To come up on stage and deliver the bundle.
Joseph was great, but felt a bit faint
And missed out on all the excitement,
But just in time it all worked out fine
As Joseph came round.
Do you remember frustrations we had
At the Dibley tech rehearsal?
We cut the scenes short, tempers were fraught
While Rob and the crew resolved the problems.
Nevertheless we all did our best
To pull the show together
And did we succeed? Oh! yes indeed
Before the curtain came down.
Didn't we have an audience grand
At our opening night performance?
They laughed at our plight, for most of the night
At all of the antics we got up to.
The crew and the cast had such a great blast
We all enjoyed the evening,
We went for a jar - at the South Holland Bar
Before we went home.
Do you remember the nights at the show
When the crispy snow was falling?
The audience sighed and Geraldine cried
'Specially when we sang our carol,
Oh! what a sight as we sang "Silent Night"
At our Christmas play each evening,
Four shows in all, we had such a ball
As the snow swirled round.
Do you remember the help we all had
When we staged the "Vicar of Dibley"?
All of the crew, set builders too,
And then we had the dressers to change us.
While in the dark, they all played their part
We couldn't have done it without them,
I can't name them all, that task is to tall
But applause all round.
Didn't we have a wonderful time?
It nearly drove us crackers,
I've got a sauce, t'was the programmes of course
So thanks to Heather and those who made them,
Inside was a hat and much more than that
A motto to make you giggle,
Sold by Harry and Joe - angel twins - ho! ho! ho!
As Dibley went out
That is the end of my little tale
About the Vicar of Dibley,
We've had so much fun, though I'm not quite done
I think we should say a great big thank you,
'Specially to Rob, who had the top job
Of putting the project together,
And all of the rest who gave of their best
To make Dibley renowned.
David Horton a councillor in Dibley
Had trouble with lots of graffiti
They called him a Pratt
He didn't like that
He really thought it quite beastly.
Geraldine Granger our Vicar
Sits at her desk in a chair made of wicker
Processing her thoughts
She thinks of all sorts
Especially that bar called a "Snicker".
Hugo Horton is David's heir
Of his new wife he's taking great care
He married Alice the verger
They made a good merger
She gave birth to their own little heir.
Alice Horton Hugo's new wife
Has a long way to go in this life
For she has a small brain
And it is quite a strain
Now that she is his 'trouble and strife'.
Mrs Cropley thinks she's Queen of cooks
But doesn't refer to cook books
She matches pilchards with jam
Serves it up with boiled ham
And she doesn't care how it looks.
Jim Trott his mind's a real mess
He says no, no, no but means yes
He's got sex on the brain
It's just one big drain
And he sometimes appears in a dress.
Frank Pickle he gets tickled pink
Taking notes with a pencil - no ink
When his shorthand won't work
At his desk he won't shirk
He just has to have a re-think.
Owen Newitt is a dirty old farmer
He thinks he's a bit of a charmer
He chats up the vicar
Like some city slicker
But he needs to behave a bit calmer.
When Alice went into labour
The Vet did his best to save her
He came up on stage
Despite David's rage
And helped Alice give birth to the Saviour.
When the Children came onto the scene
Both of them really quite keen
To collect buckets of cash
With threats - no panache
Those kids should be heard and not seen.
THE CHARACTERS OF DIBLEY
(The Second Coming)
David (gentrified) Horton is a bossy man we know
He is Chairman of the council and his chest it seems to grow
When presiding at the meetings, gloating over this and that
But a graffiti artist portrayed him as being a silly Pratt.
Geraldine our Vicar, always does her very best
To get involved with village life - for her it was a test
When Alice had the baby she had to stay quite calm
While acting out the Nativity at Owen Newitt's farm.
Hugo Horton David's heir, now married to Alice Tinker
Nearly saw the baby's birth, but missed it by a whisker
He passed out when he saw that she had started her contractions
But came round just in time to see his darling wife's reactions.
Alice Tinker Horton thought she'd given birth to Jesus
In that muddy field during the nativity for Christmas
The Vicar pointed out to her that this could not be true
Saying, "Alice, it's a baby girl!" - Alice said, "Good clue!".
Letitia Cropley is still baking her outrageous dishes
Forcing them on the committee - much against their wishes
Soda bread with pilchards, jams and various pickles
She always serves them up with pride - and irritating giggles.
Jim Trott in his tennis skirt - and his usual indecision
Decided that he'd play a King - really what a vision
He thought that Billie Jean he'd be, in frilly knickers white
Pleated skirt and tee-shirt, he really looked a fright.
Frank Pickle his little secret, to all he did declare
That he was gay and worse than that he did it live on air
There was very little feedback, and no opinions passed
Because no one in the village had heard his brief broadcast.
Owen Newitt owns the farm where our nativity took place
He hasn't any manners and very little grace
He's always saying awful things and often it offends
The Dibley Parish Councillors are his only real true friends.
The Vet in an emergency came up on to the stage
To deliver Alice's baby but it got David in a rage
Geraldine told him firmly, "David do not fret,
Be proud you have a grandchild delivered by a vet."
Our two little Angels, twins Harry and Jo
Always very happy - always on the go
They sold the programmes collecting lots of cash
When Herod shared his sweeties at him they made a dash.