Reviews of 'Disposing of the Body'    

'A Vicar of Dibley Christmas' poems

by Anne Temple

 Vicar of Dibley       

The Second Coming   

 

 

Didn't we have a lovely time

Rehearsing Vicar of Dibley?

Laughs all the way, wouldn't you say?

Cake, mince pies with tea on Sundays,

As well as that a pat on the back

For the cast and crew together,

Week after week to rehearsals we went

As the world went round.

 

 

Do you recall the wonderful time

Rehearsing at Simons work place?

It suited us all, although a bit small,

Carpeted floor and chairs aplenty,

We had a big screen, where we could be seen

Acting our parts to camera,

We went to rehearsal on medical grounds

As the word went round.

 

 

Do you remember the fun we all had

On Air with Radio Dibley?

Confessions from Frank, we thought it a prank

But no he poured his lonely heart out.

He said he was gay and acted quite fey

But none of us heard the broadcast,

So nothing had changed the following day

As Frank Pickle "came out!"

 

 

Didn't we have a wonderful time

Dressing up for Dibley?

Wet weather gear, for the time of the year

And costumes fit for our nativity,

On top of that, Jim Trott looked a Pratt

Dressed in his best tennis outfit

  Short pleated skirt, showed his frilly knicks

As he turned round.

 

 

Didn't we have the time of our lives

For our first half dress rehearsal?

We went to Act II all of the crew,

With Sophie and Jules plus props and costumes.

Hannah was there, photographer fair

Taking shots for the programme,

We all faced up and gave her a smile

As we all walked round.

 

 

Didn't we have some excellent fun

Doing our piece for YouTube?

Our director was there taking great care

To make the most of our publicity.

Locations were sort and properties brought

To place in front of the  camera,

Outdoors or in, we all had to grin

When the videos went out

 

 

Do you remember the very last scene

When Alice gave birth to the baby?

She couldn't stand, but a vet was on hand,

To come up on stage and deliver the bundle.

Joseph was great, but felt a bit faint

And missed out on all the excitement,

But just in time it all worked out fine

As Joseph came round.

 

 

Do you remember frustrations we had

At the Dibley tech rehearsal?

We cut the scenes short, tempers were fraught

While Rob and the crew resolved the problems.

Nevertheless we all did our best

To pull the show together

And did we succeed? Oh! yes indeed

Before the curtain came down.

 

 

Didn't we have an audience grand

At our opening night performance?

They laughed at our plight, for most of the night

At all of the antics we got up to.

The crew and the cast had such a great blast

We all enjoyed the evening,

We went for a jar - at the South Holland Bar

Before we went home.

 

 

Do you remember the nights at the show

When the crispy snow was falling?

The audience sighed and Geraldine cried

'Specially when we sang our carol,

Oh! what a sight as we sang "Silent Night"

At our Christmas play each evening,

Four shows in all, we had such a ball

As the snow swirled round.

 

 

Do you remember the help we all had

When we staged the "Vicar of Dibley"?

All of the crew, set builders too,

And then we had the dressers to change us.

While in the dark, they all played their part

We couldn't have done it without them,

I can't name them all, that task is to tall

But applause all round.

 

 

Didn't we have a wonderful time?

It nearly drove us crackers,

I've got a sauce, t'was the programmes of course

So thanks to Heather and those who made them,

Inside was a hat and much more than that

A motto to make you giggle,

Sold by Harry and Joe - angel twins -  ho! ho! ho!

As Dibley went out

 

 

 That is the end of my little tale

About the Vicar of Dibley,

We've had so much fun, though I'm not quite done

I think we should say a great big thank you,

'Specially to Rob, who had the top job

Of putting the project together,

And all of the rest who gave of their best

To make Dibley renowned.

 

Anne Temple   

 

David Horton a councillor in Dibley

Had trouble with lots of graffiti

They called him a Pratt

He didn't like that

He really thought it quite beastly.

 

 

 

Geraldine Granger our Vicar

Sits at her desk in a chair made of wicker

Processing her thoughts

She thinks of all sorts

Especially that bar called a "Snicker".

 

 

 

Hugo Horton is David's heir

Of his new wife he's taking great care

He married Alice the verger

They made a good merger

She gave birth to their own little heir.

 

 

 

Alice Horton Hugo's new wife

Has a long way to go in this life

For she has a small brain

And it is quite a strain

Now that she is his 'trouble and strife'.

 

 

 

Mrs Cropley thinks she's Queen of cooks

But doesn't refer to cook books

She matches pilchards with jam

Serves it up with boiled ham

And she doesn't care how it looks.

 

 

 

Jim Trott his mind's a real mess

He says no, no, no but means yes

He's got sex on the brain

It's just one big drain

And he sometimes appears in a dress.

 

 

 

Frank Pickle he gets tickled pink

Taking notes with a pencil - no ink

When his shorthand won't work

At his desk he won't shirk

He just has to have a re-think.

 

 

 

Owen Newitt is a dirty old farmer

He thinks he's a bit of a charmer

He chats up the vicar

Like some city slicker

But he needs to behave a bit calmer.

 

 

 

When Alice went into labour

The Vet did his best to save her

He came up on stage

Despite David's rage

And helped Alice give birth to the Saviour.

 

 

 

When the Children came onto the scene

Both of them really quite keen

To collect buckets of cash

With threats - no panache

Those kids should be heard and not seen.

  

 

                                           Anne Temple

THE CHARACTERS OF DIBLEY

(The Second Coming)

 

David (gentrified) Horton is a bossy man we know

He is Chairman of the council and his chest it seems to grow

When presiding at the meetings, gloating over this and that

But a graffiti artist portrayed him as being a silly Pratt.

 

Geraldine our Vicar, always does her very best

To get involved with village life - for her it was a test

When Alice had the baby she had to stay quite calm

While acting out the Nativity at Owen Newitt's farm.

 

Hugo Horton David's heir, now married to Alice Tinker

Nearly saw the baby's birth, but missed it by a whisker

He passed out when he saw that she had started her contractions

But came round just in time to see his darling wife's reactions.

 

Alice Tinker Horton thought she'd given birth to Jesus

In that muddy field during the nativity for Christmas

The Vicar pointed out to her that this could not be true

Saying, "Alice, it's a baby girl!" - Alice said, "Good clue!".

 

Letitia Cropley is still baking her outrageous dishes

Forcing them on the committee - much against their wishes

Soda bread with pilchards, jams and various pickles

She always serves them up with pride - and irritating giggles.

 

Jim Trott in his tennis skirt - and his usual indecision

Decided that he'd play a King - really what a vision

He thought that Billie Jean he'd be, in frilly knickers white

Pleated skirt and tee-shirt, he really looked a fright.

 

Frank Pickle his little secret, to all he did declare

That he was gay and worse than that he did it live on air

There was very little feedback, and no opinions passed

Because no one in the village had heard his brief broadcast.

 

Owen Newitt owns the farm where our nativity took place

He hasn't any manners and very little grace

He's always saying awful things and often it offends

The Dibley Parish Councillors are his only real true friends.

 

The Vet in an emergency came up on to the stage

To deliver Alice's baby but it got David in a rage

Geraldine told him firmly, "David do not fret,

Be proud you have a grandchild delivered by a vet."

 

Our two little Angels, twins Harry and Jo

Always very happy - always on the go

They sold the programmes collecting lots of cash

When Herod shared his sweeties at him they made a dash.

 

Anne Temple

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